Raising Resilient Kids: Embracing Struggles and Letting Them Grow

 As a third-grade teacher and coach, I find myself reflecting on the challenges children face today, and I can’t help but feel concerned. We live in a society where emotions are immediately labeled, and while I understand the need for awareness, I believe we’re missing an important opportunity to let kids feel and learn from their experiences.

When children feel anxious or sad, they are often told they have anxiety or depression, and the focus quickly shifts to seeking solutions. But aren’t these just normal emotions we all experience? Instead of rushing to a diagnosis, shouldn’t we give kids the space to work through their feelings? Letting children navigate their emotions is crucial for their growth. Otherwise, by the time they reach high school or adulthood, these emotions can seem overwhelming, and they may struggle to cope.

Andrew Huberman talks about how learning comes through experience. That resonates with me. The best lessons in life don’t come from a pre-taught script; they come from the emotions and experiences we go through. When I look back, I don’t remember a specific lesson about how to manage sadness or frustration. Instead, I remember the challenges I faced and the teachers who guided me through them—not by solving the problem for me, but by helping me find my way.

This brings me to something I’ve noticed in parenting today. Parents are quick to rush in and protect their children from discomfort. While it’s natural to want to help, it’s in those moments of struggle where children learn the most. For example, at a recent soccer game, I watched a parent jump up at the slightest contact between two players, eager to intervene. The child wasn’t hurt, but the instinct to rescue them was so strong. What if we allowed kids the chance to stand up, assess the situation, and ask for help if they truly needed it?

Another issue I see is a growing lack of respect for adults. Children are now more comfortable interrupting conversations or questioning authority in ways that don’t always come across as respectful. While it’s important for kids to express themselves, they also need to understand that experience often provides wisdom, and sometimes it’s best to listen and wait for their turn before speaking.

So, what’s the solution? How can we as parents and educators strike a balance? Here are some ideas:

  1. Encourage Emotional Resilience – Instead of rushing to label emotions, teach children that it’s okay to feel sad, anxious, or frustrated. Help them understand that these feelings are part of life and that they have the strength to work through them.

  2. Teach Respect and Modesty – Model respect for others, and expect it in return. Encourage children to listen before speaking and recognize that adults often have valuable insights due to their experience.

  3. Delay Gratification – Children are growing up in a world of instant gratification. Teaching them to work towards goals and wait for rewards will build patience and a sense of accomplishment.

  4. Allow Struggle – Let kids face challenges without immediate rescue. Whether it’s solving a problem in class or getting back up after a fall, these moments are where real growth happens.

Ultimately, it’s about preparing children for life by giving them the tools to navigate it on their own terms. The world may be quick to offer solutions, but sometimes the most powerful lessons come from the struggle itself.

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